Produced by Steven Spielberg and directed by Disturbia’s D.J. Caruso, Eagle Eye reunites them with their fetish it-boy, Shia LaBeouf. Unfortunately, this time around, the casting is the only thing Caruso and Spielberg got right. 

LaBeouf is not just cute, he’s hugely charismatic, and Michelle Monaghan is pretty credible considering how shockingly bad the rest of the movie is. That the two actors’ credibility should emerge pretty much unscathed from this 118-minute-long insult to your intelligence is a testament to their acting skills. LaBeouf plays a university dropout, Monaghan a single mom. Both get calls from a mysterious voice that uses hacking, manipulation and physical threats to get them to do exactly what it wants: that they participate in a terrorist plot.

Since Eagle Eye is a thriller, not just an action movie, you’d expect a script that doesn’t assume you’re close to brain dead. After some initial excitement (it’s not badly shot, after all there’s a lot of money on the screen), you’re bound to be overcome with way too many, “Oh yeah, right! As if!” moments to enjoy even the action scenes. LaBeouf’s character works in a photocopying shop and can’t tie his shoelaces, but he can still beat up a guard at the capitol. Soldiers fall in liquid nitrogen and just brush it off. The all-seeing, omnipotent terrorists choose the most convoluted, ridiculous ways to get their job done when at other times they can pretty much blow up anything on a whim. None of it ever makes sense. It could be a way of celebrating the inherent silliness of action movies (like Die Hard 4 did) but Eagle Eye has neither humor nor irony. It really thinks it’s a gripping thriller. In fact, the whole experience is almost embarrassing, like watching your boss drunk at a cocktail party. “Caruso, stop, you need to sit down, now. This film sucks and you’re just being annoying.” Definitely a “can I get my money back” movie.